In the past, woman stayed home and raised the children, and nurtured the children, while the fathers left and provided for the family. Now days, it has become a lot more popular for both parents to leave the house to work and provide, while the children are left with a nanny, or daycare, or another person to teach them, and help raise them. One thing to think about for parents, and mothers, is when they are gone and working all the time, there is another person teaching and taking care of your children, and teaching them their values, so in the end it really comes down to; who do you really want to teach your children their values?
For men and woman, they say, "the biggest regret was not spending more time with my family." This is stated by the parents who thought they wanted a career and job so badly, but after the years, found that what they really wanted was their family. The talk Good, Better, Best, given by an LDS apostle, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, states: "I have never known of a man who looked back on his working life and said 'I just didn't spend enough time with my job.'"
(the whole talk can be found here
---> https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/good-better-best?lang=eng&_r=1)
It is understood that women cannot be in the home all the time, and they do have to work. This is mostly true with women who do not have children yet. At this time, more than likely, both husband and wife are working. This principle can be used if the wife is stay at home as well, but couples need to make sure they find time, and they shift and adjust in any direction, to be sure they are still building up their relationship. They need to make sure they are still praying together, reading scriptures together, attend the temple together, and just finding time to be with each other in general. They need to make sure they MAKE time. Plan and budget so time can be found, and this is especially important when couples are busy, and may not see each other very often!
Couples need to find ways to keep their relationship strong.
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Communication is Key
There are three ways to communicate with people. Those three ways being: words, tone, and non- verbal cues. Each way to communicate has a specific percentage as to the importance and value of the way somebody is communicating.
Words--------------Around 20%
Tone ---------------Around 30%
Non- Verbal ------Around 50 %
Somebody could be saying something, and depending on the way they present themselves with non-verbal cues, and depending on their tone of voice, could demonstrate the true meaning as to the message they are trying to send across. But, while looking at the percentages above, all three ways to communicate are pretty necessary.
One of the main problems is, people assume that the other person already knows. Therefore, they tend to not communicate with words very much. We do not always know what the other person is saying, even if we think we might, so it really is important to discuss.
When listening to the other person, it is important to put forth the effort of actually trying to understand them, and where they are coming from. Doing this validates. It helps the other person realize that you do care enough to decode what they are saying. It demonstrates compassion. Putting forth this effort helps each other to learn about the other person, to appreciate the other person, and to love the other person.
With that in mind, keep this in mind:
"There are many advantages to conflict."
Conflict, when gone through positively and correctly, just gives two people, or couples, the opportunity to grow closer together. To love each other more, to appreciate each other more, and to learn about the other person more.
Words--------------Around 20%
Tone ---------------Around 30%
Non- Verbal ------Around 50 %
Somebody could be saying something, and depending on the way they present themselves with non-verbal cues, and depending on their tone of voice, could demonstrate the true meaning as to the message they are trying to send across. But, while looking at the percentages above, all three ways to communicate are pretty necessary.
One of the main problems is, people assume that the other person already knows. Therefore, they tend to not communicate with words very much. We do not always know what the other person is saying, even if we think we might, so it really is important to discuss.
When listening to the other person, it is important to put forth the effort of actually trying to understand them, and where they are coming from. Doing this validates. It helps the other person realize that you do care enough to decode what they are saying. It demonstrates compassion. Putting forth this effort helps each other to learn about the other person, to appreciate the other person, and to love the other person.
With that in mind, keep this in mind:
"There are many advantages to conflict."
Conflict, when gone through positively and correctly, just gives two people, or couples, the opportunity to grow closer together. To love each other more, to appreciate each other more, and to learn about the other person more.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Stress, Crisis, and Coping.... In the Home
Stressors: They give you an overwhelming feeling, make you anxious, they come from challenges in life, and they are only temporary.
Stressors in the Family, or the home my be caused by:
Bills/ money, children, car payments, house, conflicts, school, relationships, food, disciplining, disagreements, and in-laws.
Bills/ money, children, car payments, house, conflicts, school, relationships, food, disciplining, disagreements, and in-laws.
Crisis': They are traumatic, they ARE challenges, they are out of our control, and they are permanent.
People see these crisis' as detrimental, but they do not have to be. It really all depends how people look at it, and how they take in the experience. If you look at the Chinese symbols for Crisis, it demonstrates something that opens up the mind a bit.
Crisis: Danger/ opportunity.
Yes, they may be difficult to get through, and yes, they might really suck, but what they truly are is an opportunity to learn and grow.
If we also look at the ABC Model, it demonstrates how and why people can actually grow from these traumatic experiences.
Actual Event
+ Both Resources and Responses
Cognition (Perception)
-------------------------------------
TOTAL EXPERIENCE
How people respond to these crisis', comes soulfully on how they Perceive them. There are many terrible events that can happen in a family, and those events can tear people apart... but they DON'T have to! It's not easy, but these events can help people grow more than anything. In the end, they can come out stronger than they were at the beginning.
One thing I find important to remember while getting through a crisis, is it's important to go through them with your spouses, and keeping them involved. People tend to begin to lean towards other family members, like sisters brothers, or parents. Because of that, they grow away from their spouses, and it causes the problems to be harder, and even more detrimental. Husband and wife need to continue to be the team! No matter what! With problems, and anything really, they need to go to each other before anybody else... EVER!!
This is where COPING comes into play.
What is Coping?? It could be defined as these things: Dealing with/ getting by/ and getting by with distractions.
One way families can be more prepared is by prepping each other before any crisis ever happens. Coping ahead of time helps the family to know what to do if a situation were to happen. Nobody plans and waits around expecting every bad thing to happen, and more times than not, those crisis' do not happen, but nobody knows if these things will occur. It's best to be prepared beforehand. It gives the family something to hold on to to help pull each other up and out.
Yes, they may be difficult to get through, and yes, they might really suck, but what they truly are is an opportunity to learn and grow.
If we also look at the ABC Model, it demonstrates how and why people can actually grow from these traumatic experiences.
Actual Event
+ Both Resources and Responses
Cognition (Perception)
-------------------------------------
TOTAL EXPERIENCE
How people respond to these crisis', comes soulfully on how they Perceive them. There are many terrible events that can happen in a family, and those events can tear people apart... but they DON'T have to! It's not easy, but these events can help people grow more than anything. In the end, they can come out stronger than they were at the beginning.
One thing I find important to remember while getting through a crisis, is it's important to go through them with your spouses, and keeping them involved. People tend to begin to lean towards other family members, like sisters brothers, or parents. Because of that, they grow away from their spouses, and it causes the problems to be harder, and even more detrimental. Husband and wife need to continue to be the team! No matter what! With problems, and anything really, they need to go to each other before anybody else... EVER!!
This is where COPING comes into play.
What is Coping?? It could be defined as these things: Dealing with/ getting by/ and getting by with distractions.
One way families can be more prepared is by prepping each other before any crisis ever happens. Coping ahead of time helps the family to know what to do if a situation were to happen. Nobody plans and waits around expecting every bad thing to happen, and more times than not, those crisis' do not happen, but nobody knows if these things will occur. It's best to be prepared beforehand. It gives the family something to hold on to to help pull each other up and out.
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